Monday, August 20, 2007

If you stalk me with hidden cameras, I won't mind as long as you give me copies

Lately I've been wanting to set up little spy cams all over the house, in my car, over my cubicle, so I can watch myself.

It's so easy for me to perceive other peoples' personality blips. I sometimes even get paranoid that they're using them against me, or that them and their big, bad blips are out to get me.

Then the needle on the record screeches off and stops the show and I gotta ask myself, If certain people you encounter are annoying as all get-out, how is it that you're not?

Then I sez to myself ... Chances are, o indistinct member of the unwashed masses, that you're just as annoying.

Not that I'm not self-aware; I'm sometimes almost too much so. But I need to see myself more objectively, outside of my own skull. I need a bigger clue about how I react to others, how I move, my facial expressions, my habits, my body language, if I look fat in those jeans.

You know when you hear your recorded voice, and you're like, "Ew! I sound like that?" That's not at all how you hear yourself speak. Your words are resonating through your head, distorting how you sound to the rest of the world. And you're the only one who thinks you sound that way.

I guess I could just ask those closest to me, "Hey, tell me how whack I am. In a constructive way, of course." But I mean dang. That'd be ten times more uncomfortable for them than it would be for me. (If you're reading this and wouldn't mind holding up a mirror for me [and I actually know you], please, let 'er rip).

I could use the perspective, though. It's hard to see myself from here.

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