Skidoo hearts skrilla

I take in regular freelance tasks from Metro (apart from my regular job) for extra skrilla. It's "clerk work," such as typing up crime reports for the police blotter and putting together tiny profiles of high school students from a questionnaire they fill out for the "Good Kid" spotlight. I really appreciate the extra $600-$800 a month it slaps onto my paycheck, especially since, by now, I can do the work in my sleep. Here is a sample of the thought soup running through my head when I'm com-pilin' and pro-filin':

• "Crap, can anyone see me typing this up?"
• "Crap, two years removed from being a Metro clerk, and I'm still ... a Metro clerk."
• "Shut up. Pride goes before a fall. Feel blessed."
• "Yeah this is helping me get my car paid off. But will I ever be freelance-free? After the car, then there's my 2002 taxes. Then there's my school loan. By then, I'll be wanting a house."
• "Milk, fruit, pads, cereal, gluten-free waffles, cotton balls ... no wait, I still have pads left over from last month ... uumm ... green tea, toothpaste ... "
• "Crap, my editor just walked by. I hope she can't tell I'm trying to be sneaky."
• "I'm not trying to be sneaky ... this only takes me 20 minutes, and Lord knows I make up that time elsewhere."
• "Hmmm. This girl says 'The two people I would like to meet are: Oprah Winfrey and my dad.' What a winner. Way to step up, there, dude. Bastard."
• "I really need to do this at home."
• "I miss Brian."
• "Brian better not pull that emotionally-absent bunk on me again this weekend."
• "Ugh, these capris have gotten tight."
• "Oh good — the 'Italian roast is ready' e-mail. Nope Christy, staaaaay, staaay; wait til you're finished typing this up ..."
• "Why has the 1400 block of Whipporwill had an aggravated robbery, two criminal mischiefs, four vehicle burglaries, three residential buglaries and one indecent exposure, all in one week? G-H-E-T-T-O, that's why."
• "Shut up, Christy. Pride goes before a fall."
• "Fall, schmall. I'm done. Give me some coffee."